I Never
by clafount
Summary: A game of "I Never" reveals some interesting things about the companions. One shot.


"Alright fine," Morrigan snapped. "I've never ridden on a griffon."

Her confession was greeted by a chorus of groans around the small table.

"That's not how it works," Alistair explained again. "The idea is to confess something _someone may have actually done_. And anyone who _has_ done it has to take a drink."

"And what, pray tell, is the object of this game?"

"It's a drinking game, Morrigan. The object is to get _drunk,_" he said. Then he turned to Elissa and said with a mischievous grin,_ "_Or to get other people drunk." Elissa rolled her eyes but couldn't stifle a small smile.

"'Tis pointless!" Morrigan scoffed. "If one wants to drink themselves into a drooling stupor, then one should just go ahead and do it! Why play this game?"

Alistair threw up his hands. "Play, or don't play Morrigan. It doesn't matter to me."

Elissa leaned forward and put her hand on the witch's arm. "You know, Morrigan, you might learn something about your fellow traveling companions by playing." She gave Morrigan a knowing look. "Something _useful_ perhaps. Something that could be played to your advantage at a later date."

Elissa had a half pint of ale in her belly and was feeling pleasantly warm. The bartender at Tapster's informed them that the Grey Warden's party would be drinking on the house this evening, in reward for their role in settling the dwarven dispute over succession. Elissa intended to take advantage of the gesture. Though she hadn't much experience with dwarven spirits—nor any spirits at all, truth be told—after their weeks in the Deep Roads, she felt she had earned it. They all had.

Morrigan rolled her eyes. "I doubt I could learn anything of use from this motley group of fools you've collected," she said, looking around the group disdainfully. "But if 'twould please you for me to play, I'll participate in this farce," she said with a shrug. "But…what's to prevent a person from lying?"

"Ever heard of the _honor system_?" Alistair asked. "No, I suppose you wouldn't have. Look, everyone just promise to tell the truth. It's more fun that way."

Morrigan's face suddenly housed a wicked grin. "Fine," she purred and leaned forward, fixing her strange yellow eyes on Alistair. "I've never made love to a woman."

Oghren and Zevran made throaty noises in unison and clanged their tankards together in toast. After a beat, Leliana daintily lifted her tankard to her lips and took a sip, giving the party a knowing smile. Sten gave a curt nod and drank deeply.

Elissa shifted uncomfortably in her seat. She peeked to her right and saw a flush-faced Alistair glowering at Morrigan.

"Nice try, but I'm not embarrassed," he spit out.

"Your blushing cheeks tell a different tale," the apostate said simply.

Zevran finished his drink and smacked his lips together loudly. "The taste of a lovely woman is one to be savored. Just like the taste of fine ale, wouldn't you say my short and smelly friend?" He addressed the dwarf but looked pointedly at Alistair.

"Well, that's one way to look at it," Oghren said, with a belch. "Me, I prefer to drain the ol' tankard in one good hard pull," he roared with laughter and Zevran chuckled in response.

"My turn," Elissa said, after another quick glance at Alistair. His shoulders were slouched forward and he was staring at the table in front of him.

"I've never made love to a man." She said a little too loudly. Her face burned as she felt their collective eyes upon her. Alistair sat up straighter in his seat, as Leliana giggled loudly and raised her glass once more. Wynne's eyes twinkled as she looked around at the group and took a long sip. Morrigan rolled her eyes and took a drink.

Zevran raised a lascivious eyebrow and took a long, slow drink while Sten and Oghren pointedly ignored him.

Alistair leaned over and whispered in Elissa's ear, "What about all those lampposts you said you'd licked?"

"I thought we were talking about lampposts!"Elissa whispered back innocently, not meeting his eyes. "What did you think we were talking about?"

He looked at her uncertainly for a moment, but after noting the color rising on her own cheeks he sat back in his chair with a wide grin plastered across his face.

"Ahhhh," Zevran exhaled. "I believe this means it is my turn to play this silly game," he said, cradling his tankard thoughtfully in his hands. "This presents some difficulty, to think of something I've _never_ done. In my line of work and with my particular skill set, there are not many of life's pleasures that I have not already tasted."

Alistair feigned a loud yawn as Zevran touched his chin, gazing off into the distance.

"There is still an encounter I have not yet had the pleasure of experiencing," he said finally, eyes on Elissa. She felt, rather than saw, Alistair stiffen in the chair next to her. Almost unconsciously she placed a hand on his arm to still him.

"I am ashamed to admit, I have never had the pleasure of servicing _three_ women at the same time," he sighed. The group stared at him in silence for a moment.

And then Sten shrugged his shoulders and lifted his tankard to his lips as the group watched him in shock.

"Sten! You enormous devil!" Zevran finally exclaimed. "I did not take you for a man of empty boasts."

"It is not an empty boast," Sten answered simply. The group stared at him, but the big man was his usual quiet self.

Wynne was scandalized. "I don't believe you!" she said. "This doesn't sound like something the Qun would allow."

"It was during a time of great revelry. The Qunari are permitted to engage in acts of such as this during a few occasions in our life time." Sten shrugged. "This was one."

The group continued to stare at him with shocked expressions. "Parshaara," he said. "Let us move on."

Elissa looked longingly at her untouched tankard of ale and sighed. "I'm getting thirsty," she said.

Oghren let out another tumultuous belch. "I suppose it's my turn. Lemme think a minute," he looked thoughtful. "Well," he said after a moment. "I guess I've…never been to the surface."

"Finally!" Elissa said, reaching for her ale. The rest of the group all drank as well.

"I guess that leaves me," Wynne began.

"No, wait," Alistair interjected. "I forgot a rule. If your confession gets everyone else to drink, you have to go again." He winked at Elissa and turned to Oghren again. "Go ahead. Tell us more things you've never done. Or seen. Like the sun. Or birds. Or rain…"

It was a few hours later when Oghren finally took his leave of the table, leaving Alistair and Elissa sitting alone. With a raucous belch he thanked the Wardens for the excuse to drink, finished his ale and weaved a careening path out of the bar.

Alistair sighed. "I thought he'd _never _leave," he said, smiling at Elissa.

Elissa lifted her head up from where she was resting it against the table. "Where'd everybody else go?" she slurred.

"Weeeeeeeell, Sten and Morrigan left hours ago. Wynne and Leliana turned in right before we got this round."

Elissa hiccupped.

"Oh holy maker, you are _drunk,_" Alistair said. "I mean, I should know because I am too. But you, my dear, _are completely hammered._"

"I _know_!" Elissa said. "It's wonnerful! Why don' we get [_hic_] drunk like this all the time?" she asked, gesturing wildly with her tankard. Alistair grabbed it before the contents ended up in his lap.

"I suspect you'll know the answer to that question tomorrow morning," he said with a chuckle.

"Mmmm."

_She's going to be absolutely worthless tomorrow, _Alistair worried. _I should really see her to her room. And leave her there with Leliana. _He knew that would be the gentlemanly thing to do, but there was still a question burning in his mind.

"Elissa," he said. "I want ask you something."

She leaned dangerously close to him, smiling drunkenly. "Alistair!" she said, as if she'd only just realized who he was. "You can ask me anythin'!" She punctuated the last word with a rather over enthusiastic shove. He struggled to remain seated, grabbing on to her shoulders for balance.

Suddenly he found himself in a loose embrace with her. She had her hand on his leg, and was leaning in close to him again. _Maker's breath, she's beautiful._

"Elissa," he whispered. "Why did you let me believe that…you know…"

"Let you [_hic_] believe what, Alisssssstaaairr?" she leaned back in her chair, covering her left eye with her hand. She reached out and grabbed his shoulder with her free hand. "Phew! Now there's only one of you."

Alistair pulled her closer to him. "Why did you let me believe you'd been with other men before?" he said lowly. He poked her in the rib. "Here you let me go on all red faced about my inexperience, like a blushing school boy, and left me thinking you were some worldly noblewoman." He put his arm around her and rested his head on hers. "Why did you do that?"

"Ooooh that."

"Mmmmm, yes, _that._"

"Weeeeell, here's the thing. You're soooo shy Alisssstair," she leaned close and whispered in his ear. "I mean, you still haven't made a move and I've been practically throwing myself at your for like, ever."

"No you haven't!" Alistair said incredulously. "I think I would have noticed that."

"Oh," Elissa said, pursing her lips into an exaggerated pout. "Well, maybe I'm not very good at it _[hic]_."

Before he could properly respond, Elissa leaned her head on his shoulder and said, "I figured if you knew I was a virgin you'd never make a move. And I really, really want to you to make a move."

_Oh reeeaaaally. _Alistair shook his head in disbelief. His memory of the few passionate kisses they'd shared boiled his blood. The idea that she might want more was both terrifying and thrilling.

"Oh you do, do you?" he said.

"MMmmmm," she said into his shoulder, before suddenly raising her head and grabbing his arm. "Why don't we go back to your room?" she said in a loud whisper.

"Ummm…uhh…well first of all, you're druink," Alistair replied. "And second of all, there's a rather large and stern Qunari in there."

"Oh," Elissa said with a pout, before brightening. "What about my room? [_hic_]"

"Aren't you sharing a room with Leliana?"

"She won't mind," Elissa said "She might even want to watch." At that she leaned over and started nibbling on his ear.

_Maker preserve me!_ He gently pushed Elissa back. With his hands on her shoulders, he gave her a serious look.

"Are you going to remember any of this tomorrow, I wonder?"

Elissa yawned and smacked her lips a few times. "Remember what?" she slurred, before passing out in his lap.

Alistair smiled to himself as he gently shook her. "Come on. Let's get you to bed."

oooooOOOOOOOOOOOooooo

"You're going to have to leave me here," Elissa moaned and pulled her hood up over her head to shield her eyes from the bright sunshine that was burning her eyes. "There's no hope for me. I'm clearly dying."

Alistair laughed and shook his head. "No can do, boss." He put his hand on her shoulder and knelt next to where Elissa was sitting. They were taking another brief rest this morning. Everyone was moving a little slower as they trekked through the mountains on their way to Redcliff Village. No one was moving quite as slowly as Elissa, however. "Now do we understand why we don't drink like Oghren every night?"

Elissa winced. "Why didn't you stop me?" she asked.

Alistair arranged his cloak around himself and sat down next to her. "I tried—you wouldn't listen," he said. "Besides, it's a lesson everyone has to learn once."

"Shhh, not so loud," Elissa whispered and leaned her head on his shoulder. "Well," she said after a moment, "we did have fun, didn't we? I mean, the parts I remember were pretty fun."

"Oh yes, it was an enjoyable evening. And very informative."

Elissa lifted her head to look at him. "I know," she whispered. "Can you believe that about Sten?" She peeked over to where the tall Qunari was sitting and rubbing his head. "That man is full of surprises."

Alistair's gaze didn't leave Elissa's face. He smiled slyly to himself.

"Yes. I never would have guessed," he said huskily. She turned to look at him, surprised at his tone. He tucked a lock of her pale blond hair behind her ear and smiled at her. _Maybe tonight, _he thought. _Maybe she won't be utterly horrified at the prospect._He felt a sudden heat start to take over his body and leave him breathless. Just the thought of the two of them, alone, in his tent…

Elissa suddenly lurched forward and vomited at his feet. "Oh Maker," she moaned. "I didn't think I had anything left in me." She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and looked at him dolefully. "Sorry about your boots."

_Alright, maybe tomorrow night…_


End file.
